Fun With Insomnia Blog

I’m a bit of a talk radio connoisseur, as are many of us that travel cross country on a regular basis. I was introduced to talk radio some eight years ago now, and one of my first found favorites was Coast to Coast AM with Art Bell.

At the time Art was not actually the host but Ian Punnit. Not having heard Art I thought Ian was a fine host (and still do actually). Art returned and I found a certain magic that Ian was lacking (although slightly). Art could take an obvious imbecile or nut-job and live on the air and make the call not only tolerable but enjoyable, even believable when it clearly was not. Later on I got the impression that some of Art’s guests and callers were scripted – which you wouldn’t know if you hadn’t been listening for a substantial period of time.

Art then handed the show over to George Noory, who I did my best to give time and credence to, although always felt he just didn’t quite cut the mustard (not for lack of trying). My issue with George is that he suffers no fools, which frankly the supernatural, alien, Bigfoot, conspiracy circles are chock full of. Although I appreciate his earnest search for the truth, he almost always comes off as that empirical scientist who cuts and explanation short simply because it does not fall into conventional thinking.

I have always considered Coast to Coast to be an odyssey of the mind for my insomnia and other insomniacs. Although we all yearn to find the definitive proof of the above cornucopia of what are currently considered pseudo sciences, the fun at midnight is sorting out the riffraff and grifters.

My advice to George: Take a page from Art’s play book – listen, then respond in a way to intrigue the audience, instead of quashing all hopes at the first sign of shenanigans. Maybe even consider allowing a script every now and again (wink).

It was a dull, cloud-covered, early autumn day when my pal Brian and I, then still in our teens, determined it was time for us to arrive at the most significant scientific find of the century. We were going to find Sasquatch.
“…We’d
Achieve what so many other people had failed to do: establish the existence of this mystical fabled behemoth.”

We’d forever had an interest in any cryptozoological enigma, Bigfoot, abominable snowman, Loch Ness monster, Champ, Mothman, you call it, we were into it, but Bigfoot was our favorite, and our priority. We were unshaken in our opinion that we would achieve what so many other people had failed to do: demonstrate the existence of this mystifying legendary Goliath.

Now, you must keep in mind, this was in the years before we had these fantastic online databases of Bigfoot sightings and data that we have forthcoming nowadays, so the possibility that Sasquatch could not be dwelling our local woods never went into our heads. We estimated, “Hey, the area is draped with woodland, Sasquatch has gotta’ be out there someplace!” So with that vehement but naive conviction directing us, we begin on that drab day into the local timberlands to achieve our goal.

We walked the day through, traversing hills and valleys, streams and impenetrable brush, over boulders, rocks and whatever other elemental obstacles that were in our track. Our line of vision was short at the best because even though it was early fall, the leaves were still on the trees and the woods were very dense and overgrown in the region. It was approximately 2:30 to 3:00 in the afternoon when we eventually halted for an intermission. We sat down there, way up on top of this hillside, talking over the issue of seeing the beast, and whining a little about our thirst and hunger because in our passion to get the pursuit underway neither among us had had the presence of judgement to bring any food or H2O. It was while we were talking about these things that we first detected the sound.
“You heard that too?” Brian asked.

“Yeah, something is out here with us.

We both broke off mid-sentence and looked at each other.

“You heard that too?” Brian asked.

“Yeah, something is out here with us.” I replied.

It was a minute, almost undistinguished sound at first, just a whispering of the foliages and underbrush from somewhere ahead. We excitedly scanned the thick growth before of us to try and ascertain the proximity of whatever had made the noise, but the growth was so dense we could not see very far. Then we heard it once again, closer now, and a bit noisier. Something was unquestionably drawing near us.

It was maddening as we both knew that this animal was getting very near but we still could not visualize it due to the denseness of the underbrush and trees. Once more, the sound, and again a trifle bit cozier! Now, I must explain that while this sound wasn’t earthshaking, what it felt like to me was that whatever this thing could be, it was coming on us very guardedly, mayhap following our every move while we could still not see it.
“Abruptly, without another sound to warn me the creature burst through the heavy brush not 15 feet from where I was!”

It was about that time when it began to occur to us that perhaps heading out into the woods, completely unarmed and defenseless, in search of an creature that stood in excess of seven feet and weighed at least 400 pounds, an animal that might not be very delighted that we had decided to invade it’s territory, might not have been the most prudent decision we’d ever made.

There, the noise over again! Now it was very, very close! Then from behind me I heard a much louder ruckus. Surprised by this, I jumped and turned rapidly, imagining that perhaps a Bigfoot had been sneaking up on us from behind as well, but I rapidly realized that the cause of this new sound was completely another entirely.

I stood there completely stunned as I watched Brian, my supposedly bold and trustworthy friend and fellow investigator running full tilt back off the hill, away from me and any conceivable danger. He was already 40 yards away and moving as fast as he could through the branches, brush and other obstacles. I didn’t even bother to cry after him, it was already too late.

So, as a strange combination of holy terror and adrenaline mixed with wild curiosity flowed through my body I simply turned and awaited my fate with the approaching demon. Suddenly, without another sound to warn me the creature burst through the heavy brush not 15 feet from where I was! We both stood there, our breath rapid, each staring the other down, each one sizing up the possible threat of the other! That was when I realized that the animal that had been slowly coming on us all this time wasn’t Bigfoot at all, ….but a black-and-white kitten. Fortunately for me it’s behavior was rather benign and unaggressive, and having satisfied it’s curiosity, it then leapt back into the underbrush and quickly disappeared.

It was big as kittens go. We later calculated from the depth of the tracks that it went leastwise 1-3/4 pounds, but was more plausible to weigh in at a solid 2, with a height of about 7 inches and a stride that we estimated from the tracks to be about 2 to 2-3/4 inches. We would have made a cast of the tracks but we had not thought to bring any plaster either.

I then turned to detect that about 70 yards down the hill, Brian stood there watching. He had stopped there and seen the whole encounter go down from his assumed position of safety. Needless to say the fact that he’d run in absolute holy terror from a tiny kitty effected much derisive verbal chastening from myself the whole way back down out of the woods. Even to this day we joke hysterically as the story of this legendary kitty encounter is told to family, friends, and pretty much anyone else who would like to* hear me tell of how in a time of terror, my most dependable friend deserted me to what he believed was Bigfoot, but turned out to be a wee feline. Now I give this story to all of you visiting this website, so that he will never live this down.